It's the night before Thanksgiving. I am reminding myself of everything I am thankful for. It seems as time goes on, each day is a little more challenging. Above is a picture of Bridger and I on top of PCMC at sunset, just before we left for Texas and a picture of Danny and Bridger one of the last times they saw each other. I know this seems depressing, but these are the moments I am so thankful for. In the many months at the hospital, there were many families I met that didn't even have half of the memories we were able to share with our sweet boy. Knowing this doesn't make the pain any less intense, but it does remind me that somewhere there is always someone who is suffering more than me. My baby knew whether or not I was even in the room with him, he knew when it was 5:00pm and Daddy should be around to play. When we called Daddy on the phone, Bridger would turn the receiver around to see if Daddy was behind it. And when we were flying to Texas, our nurse had a laptop and Bridger kept grabbing for it because before we left we had set-up Skype to talk to Daddy on the webcam and he knew that when the computer was on we were going to see Daddy. I loved that Bridger didn't even like when I had to go to the bathroom because I was out of his sight. And when he played with Daddy, I couldn't interfere in there business, but I also was not allowed to be out of his line of sight. I loved when he woke up at 4:00 am with a huge smile wondering why Daddy and I weren't quite ready to play. I love that for a couple of months Danny and Bridger got to watch College Game Day together on Saturday mornings. I love that Bridger loved to go on walks anywhere, in the hospital or at home. I love that all he needed for entertainment was a cold, wet washcloth and hospital garbage and maybe his parents or grandparents running around his hospital crib making fools out of themselves. I love that even right before he died, he was talking to me while I brushed my teeth. Although my heart is broken beyond repair, I am grateful that my beautiful boy no longer needs oxygen and tube feeds and continuous IV medication to allow him to be a baby. Now, he can cause all of the mischeif he wants without it taking such a toll on his body. I know I have said this over and over, but I will continue to say it as long as I am alive- not only tommorrow, but everyday PLEASE count your blessings and know what some of us would give for a rebellious teenager, a baby crying in the night, a whiny toddler at family gatherings or even just a child to kiss good night. More than most, we know that life is hard, but if it wasn't how would we know when we got to heaven? For all of you reading this, I am thankful for you. Each and every one of you has touched my heart in ways that you will never know. In losing my son, I have gained a heightened awareness of the blessings I am surrounded by. Thank you.
