It has been a while

Just about this time, four years ago, I was taking several pregnancy tests to confirm that I was actually pregnant with my baby boy! I always knew I would have a boy. Danny and I always knew that we would have a child with special needs. Funny how you can have an idea of what is coming, but still not know the magnitude of it. We were overwhelmed with joy as we told our family members that we were pregnant!

We had the nursery furniture built a couple of years before and I had hidden in the basement because it was too painful to see the furniture with no baby in it. Immediately, I wanted everything brought upstairs to the room I had been planning on for the nursery for four years. I quickly began getting the room ready for our newest addition.

Time went quickly. At 20 weeks, we found that there was a heart condition. The first doctor thought is was an AV Canal defect, which likely comes with Down Syndrome. We followed up with Primary Children's and switched to a high risk physician at the U of U. We knew by then that we were having a boy (told you so!). Bridger had his first echo, this time the cardiologist thought it was an Interrupted Aortic Arch. They began to prepare us for what was to come. I was lucky because I got to have weekly ultrasounds of my baby. It was amazing to watch him move and grow each week. He would give the techs a hard time during their measurements and I would laugh. Already, he was a character.

One of my appointments, the doctor was running late. While I was waiting, I was offered a 3-d ultrasound. It was amazing! I could see Danny's face in him and my lips. He was beautiful. I couldn't wait to see him, but knew that he was safest inside me. I understood what a privilege kangaroo moms have. I had the most precious thing I had ever known right inside me. He would play with me, stick his feet out at me and do somersaults. I would have kept him in there forever if it would mean his was safe.

Being pregnant has so far been one of the most cherished times in my life, second only to having Bridger alive and in my arms. I truly knew what heaven was for me.

Bridger, mommy loves you. Remember, Daddy's birthday is Tuesday. Give him a birthday kiss and hug. We miss you!