more pics!

Happy 1 Week!

On Friday, we celebrated Finleigh's 1 week birthday!  We got her a "Prettiest Princess" cake, but I don't know that she was too impressed.  Each day she continues to amaze us and I pray that this time does not move any quicker as it has already gone too fast.  My sweet girl, I love you soooo much!

Pictures!

Well, it's about time we put some pictures of our sweet 6 day old darling up!

Less than 48 hours.........

Today was mine and Danny's last day of work until after Finleigh's funeral.  It was strange leaving my office, similar to my last day of work before Bridger was born.  Walking out the door is like walking into another world.  A world where you know that nothing will be the same again.  I don't know what to expect in this new world.  What will we do?  So far, we know that tomorrow we will go to the doctor for our last check up and that on Friday we will check in for a c section.  Beyond that is a mystery......

I feel like I am in the movies, walking through a cloudy hallway, through a doorway.  I don't know if I am ready for this doorway, but I know that I can no longer stay on this side of it.  This journey will be so different than our journey was with Bridger.  With him, we truly didn't think he would die.  Though we were terrified, we always thought he would beat the odds.  With Miss Finleigh, we know that her time with us will be very short, though just how long is unknown.  Danny and I are at peace with this knowledge, we know that she is not meant to stay with us for long.  But, I am terrified with how she will die.  I pray that it will be peaceful for her.  I pray that Danny and I can provide whatever she needs while she is here.  Bridger's death was so fast, it seemed like only 20 minutes that he struggled and then died.  It might have been longer in reality, but it was like he was here and then gone.  Will hers be that fast?  I know technically, she will be dying from the time she is born.  But when will she begin to show signs?  This is the door I don't know if I am ready to walk through.  Can't I just stay in the threshold?

I feel as though the coming days, we will be passing through many of these kinds of doors.  Each time, closing the previous door to the life that we once knew.  This is the constant motion of life, but today, to me it feels so significant.  I don't know how else to explain what I am feeling.  I feel eerily calm.  My heart is at peace, while my soul seems to be a bit lost.