Her last breath.....

Right now it is 4:59 pm, in one minute it will have been 1 year since our baby girl took her last breath on this earth.  She was lying on my chest and just moments before, Danny walked into the room, she let out a small sigh and was gone.

I didn't want to let her go.  With Bridger, I layed with him for several hours before Danny was able to get to us from Utah.  When he arrived, Bridger's body was discolored, but I didn't notice.  Even holding her, I didn't notice.  It wasn't until our Hospice nurse arrived and pointed out that her skin was changing that we became aware of it.  We bathed her one more time and dressed her in clean clothes and called the mortuary. Around 7:00 pm I layed her in the back of a minivan and she was taken to the mortuary.

As I was thinking back on this day one year ago, it made me realize how grateful I was that Danny was there with us.  Grateful that he was able to see how peacefully she left.  Grateful that he had held her earlier that day and gave her kisses on her sweet skin.  We knew it was coming.  There were even moments throughout the day when she was struggling that we prayed for God to take her home.  Don't try to imagine how that feels.  You might think of what pain that may cause, but at the time we knew that she needed to go and we didn't want her to suffer longer because we were not ready.  We were not ready, but as many of you know you don't have to be ready for things to still happen.

For her diagnosis, without surgical intervention the average life span is 8 days.  Finleigh lived 18 days.  Just the fact that she was born alive was a miracle (Bridger was not breathing at birth).  Her 18 days were filled with love and tears.  We absorbed every possible detail about her.  Our sassy redheaded girl made an impression.

My sweet little love, we miss you so.  Mommy and Daddy love you!

PS- be nice to your big brother