Well, we are here. It has been one year since I last held my precious baby boy in my arms. One year since I heard his infectious laugh only moments before his last cry. I was frozen in time then as I seem to be now. I know that the moments of time are passing, yet I am unable to participate in real life. I have spent most of this day asleep in hopes that if I ignore the reality, it will somehow change. Before Bridger, I had a strong sense of myself. When I was pregnant and then when Bridger was alive, I knew that my path in this life was to be the best mom to him that I could and I did what I thought was best without apology. But now that he is gone, I feel as though I am spiraling as I try to seek out my new place in this world. I have had no greater job than being Bridger's mother and now all else seems to pale in comparison. Bridger, I miss kissing your soft cheeks as you giggle in my ear. I miss giving you bed baths on my bed as you try to roll away so that you can play naked a little while longer. I miss you chewing on your wet washcloth as though it were the most delicious food invented. I miss the way you would talk to daddy on the phone and then look behind the receiver to see if he was hiding. I miss our walks, our play time, our story time. Everything we did together will always be cherished and kept close to my heart. I love you.....
30 months-Pondering "The Savior of the World"
10 years ago
10 comments:
Thinking about you guys a lot today...
you are our thoughts and prayers. continue to be strong.
Heather
Staci,
I think of you often, but especially today. I want you to know you and Bridger are in my prayers.
Love,
Brenda
There is really nothing else to say other than I am sorry and my thoughts are with you and your family right now. Know that you are loved and people are thinking of you.
My heart aches for your loss. Words cannot express...
Love,
Annette
Staci,
Whether you see it or not, I think you have a great place in this world. Because of your experiences with Bridger, you have been able to help countless other families in ways that only you can. You have first hand knowledge, and pain...you do know just how they feel. I have heard and read from many people how you have touched them, how you have helped them understand and cope. Because of you, they feel that they can somehow get through, no matter the outcome. So, even though to you you may seem lost, you have a place. You were there for Bridger at all times, and now you are there for many, many others. I know it isn't the same, and nothing can or will ever "replace" Bridger, but you are not lost. You are still very much needed.
We went to visit Bridger yesterday. Kanen "played" with him...Kanen pushed the dump truck toy and the wind blew it back. Kanen said it was Bridger. : ) We all miss him dearly, and he is always in our hearts and minds. We love you and Danny endlessly!
Maura
I love you.
We love you, Danny and Bridger.You all are in our thoughts and prayers everyday!
Yvonne
This post makes my heart ache. You were the most amazing mother to bridger, and you will ALWAYS be his mom! Love you!
I agree with Maura. We love you guys so much and hurt right along with you. And you help so many people. Probably without even realizing it.
When we came to visit on Sunday I was talking to the kids about Bridger. I asked them if they wanted to go visit you guys. Tre was super excited. He loves to give you hugs. And those are mighty sweet hugs you get from him. I only get those on occasion and you seem to receive them every time he sees you. I like to think he is closer to Bridger when he is close to you.
Belle just wanted to see the dogs :) She also said something profound. And don't take this the wrong way. She said, "It's hard to forget all the sadness when you guys keep talking about Bridger all the time". I thought that was so true. We don't ever want to forget Bridger and, yes, sadness is a part of it, but we will just keep talking and thinking about him and how he has changed our lives forever.
I think of Bridger each time I see his Heart Heroes bracelet on one of my boys. I think of him every time you call because of the contact picture of him on my phone. I think of him sometimes in the middle of the night. I think of him when I see blue eyes (never will anyone's blue eyes compare to his). And I think of him every time I think of you, Staci.
I can't say I know what you are going through. But I do know that we love your family so much and think of you often.
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