Today was mine and Danny's last day of work until after Finleigh's funeral. It was strange leaving my office, similar to my last day of work before Bridger was born. Walking out the door is like walking into another world. A world where you know that nothing will be the same again. I don't know what to expect in this new world. What will we do? So far, we know that tomorrow we will go to the doctor for our last check up and that on Friday we will check in for a c section. Beyond that is a mystery......
I feel like I am in the movies, walking through a cloudy hallway, through a doorway. I don't know if I am ready for this doorway, but I know that I can no longer stay on this side of it. This journey will be so different than our journey was with Bridger. With him, we truly didn't think he would die. Though we were terrified, we always thought he would beat the odds. With Miss Finleigh, we know that her time with us will be very short, though just how long is unknown. Danny and I are at peace with this knowledge, we know that she is not meant to stay with us for long. But, I am terrified with how she will die. I pray that it will be peaceful for her. I pray that Danny and I can provide whatever she needs while she is here. Bridger's death was so fast, it seemed like only 20 minutes that he struggled and then died. It might have been longer in reality, but it was like he was here and then gone. Will hers be that fast? I know technically, she will be dying from the time she is born. But when will she begin to show signs? This is the door I don't know if I am ready to walk through. Can't I just stay in the threshold?
I feel as though the coming days, we will be passing through many of these kinds of doors. Each time, closing the previous door to the life that we once knew. This is the constant motion of life, but today, to me it feels so significant. I don't know how else to explain what I am feeling. I feel eerily calm. My heart is at peace, while my soul seems to be a bit lost.
30 months-Pondering "The Savior of the World"
10 years ago
12 comments:
Praying hard for all of you. You have strength and courage beyond measure. I hope that your time with little miss Finleigh will be precious and peaceful. God bless you.....
Kelley
Prayers...love & hugs from oklahoma.
I have been thinking of you and praying for you every day. I wish that I could offer some profound words of comfort that would ease the sorrow you're facing. I hope that you're able to keep the peace in your heart and feel Bridger close to you as well during this blessed and difficult time. You are in my prayers. <3
I came across your blog through another friend's blog and I have been so touched by your story. I will be praying for you - that you will be able to have the time you hope for with Finleigh. Best wishes to you and your husband this week as you enter this new doorway. I'm amazed by your attitude and I'm sure the blessing by your grandfather and uncle that you referred to earlier is helping you feel at peace.
Staci - I have been thinking about you alot and wish there were some words of comfort I could offer. I will keep you all in my prayers and in my heart. Lots of love my friend. Lesa (Lillie) McSwain
My everlasting prayers are with you and Danny. I pray that the both of you will feel peace and comfort through this time. I love you,Danny,Bridger and Finleigh so much <3 Nichole
I think of you each and EVERY day! I keep you in my heart and in my prayers. Love to you....
Staci,
I am thinking of you today, of sweet Finleigh and praying for the comfort you need to endure this hard time. Know that I am praying for your family!
Hugs,
Lara
(Lindsay's Sister in Law)
I pray for you so often. May you be filled with peace and understanding. <3
Prayers that you can continue to feel comforting angels at this time and that every moment with your sweet daughter will be special. ♥ Hugs
Thinking and praying for you........
Prayer of peace and comfort to you at this time. Your son and daughter will be together in the hands of our Lord. Praying every day.
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